When Losing Your Cool Sets Off An Alarm

Let me give a little background information to the story...

I am not sure if it is simply their developmental age, and then I also imagine the transition we are in sort of intensifies things, but our older boys have been a little bothered by all of the fire drills, tornado drills and lock down drills at their new school. It makes them feel nervous and somewhat afraid, so especially in those first days of school, we had various conversations with them about how they are just practice and do not mean that the event you are preparing for is ever going to happen - it is just a "be prepared" kind of thing.

So......

On Thursday it had been one of those not-so-great afternoons, and then continued on into the evening. Kids had been at each other about everything, lots of complaining and bickering, and...well, to put it plainly, I lost my cool. I gave them my not so patient rant and sent them to bed rather harshly. I realize all parents have those moments (okay, please say you do too, right?!?!?). I don't like myself when I lose it and feel like it is one of those things I always need to work on.

Why is it that when you are not in that moment, it seems so easy to have the game plan in place. How you will keep your calm, know you will not overreact and not escalate the situation, understand how to diffuse the attitudes and grumbling, and on and on....but then, when the moment does arrive, all the theory is so easily discarded and you return to the not so friendly and mature ways of handling the situation. Why?? It is difficult to be consistent and "on" - and frustrating when you fail. I know that it is ineffective and hurtful to the boys when I do lose my cool.

Thursday's experience has given me a very real example to come to mind as an illustration of its alarming ineffectiveness.

A few minutes after banishing the older three to bed, I returned to the kitchen to clean up. I decided to turn the burner back on to reheat the bacon grease so I could remove it from the pan more easily and give it to our dog. So I did. Then I noticed Hudson's bib on the table and picked it up to discard it in the laundry basket down the hall. En route to the basket, I peered into the boys' room, was flooded with guilt and felt sad for sending them to bed in such an ugly tone and with no snuggles, prayers or kind words. SO I began the all important process of reassuring, loving and kissing each of them. I began with Pierce, tucked him in and then crawled into bed beside Reece. I whispered in his ear, and although I thought it strange that he smelled like burnt toast or something...I continued to talk to him....until... it suddenly hit me ------- THE BACON GREASE. I bolted down the hall and as I entered the kitchen - full of smoke - the smoke alarm began to do its job. And do it VERY loudly. Right outside of the boys' bedroom. I knew all was ok because it was just smoke. I turned off the burner. Removed the pan. Tried to fan the smoke with a cloth to no avail. The alarm continued. I could hear the boys crying and Benjy running to see what was going on. He quickly removed the battery from the alarm to create some kind of calm to the chaos. Let's just say - they were freaking out. Chase, on his top bunk, was holding his ears with his hands, had his eyes clenched shut and was traumatically rocking back and forth. Reece was doing much the same and stating that he didn't feel safe in the house and that we couldn't live here anymore. Pierce, was laid back and fine - just as he most often is in life. I gave lots of hugs and as the children's backs were turned away from him - my loving husband was clenching his fist at me as if to say - "what were you thinking?? I am gonna KILL YOU!"

It took us some time to restore any calmness. They all ended up going to our bed to fall asleep after a lengthy discussion of why it was actually a good thing that the loud beeper sounded.

We will be smelling bacon for awhile. Sheeeshhhhh!

The point of the story is not my inability to multi-task (ha! that could be a whole other story), but rather, something quite obvious. There are consequences to losing your cool. Maybe it isn't always something so marked as a fire alarm. But the hurt it causes the kids. The way it disrupts the environment in your home. The cycle from frustration to guilt to reconciliation. It isn't healthy and it isn't the standard I want to set for my children.

I believe this experience has taught me more than just preferring not to smell like bacon grease. I want to choose the higher road in dealing with my frustration. I want to be prepared - I want to get better at knowing my strategy a little better and acting on the game plan before the alarm has to sound.

And I know, I know. We all have our days. I just want to have less of them.